December 29, 2004

this is the danger...almost finished...30 pages left...my mind is already wandering off to the next thing...edititng...in fiilmaking, i love it...in writing...it is baneful...

i enjoy my writing...without arrogance...i think it's good...it's the kind of book i would buy...but...when you read...study...the same 20,000+ words...over and over...for months...let's just say this...i'm ready to move on...i know every corner and crevice of this work...there are no more surprises for me...there will be plenty for you...

this is my disese...i'm infatuated with the fresh...the new...i have the same problem with women...had...i like to think that i've done some growing up...some...let's see...if i stay focused...remain commited to the work...to myself really...until the end...

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  • December 23, 2004

    as a man who writes women characters...there's something i have not been able to wrap my head around...i've recenlty hasd the opportunity to help a friend with her retail business...i am astounded that young girls would walk up to a stranger and start a sentence with...give me...let me have...give? have? what the hell are parents teaching their daughters...i wanted to say...you better get your ass out on the track...give you...you gets nothing for free...let you have...you can have my foot up your ass...where is your daddy...

    i know this is not a new development...i know there are grown women out there who go their entire lives not having to earn shit...i just don't get it...i know pussy don't come for free...but shit...just because you got a pair of tits and a quim...that won't make the world lay at your feet...have character...have personality...have skills...be accomplished...be more than a hole and a piece of meat...

    human beings crave self respect...we may not always know how to cultivate it...but we need it...like air...how can anyone have it...and expect shit to be handed over to them...just because they have a pretty smile...sometimes not even that...i just don't understand...

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  • December 15, 2004

    Special edition...

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    These are pictures of a leather-bound, hardcover, hand made edition of my first book.
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    I made it.
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    There are 10 copies. Sorry, they're already spoken for.
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    If you're interested, I will be making more. E-mail me for details.

    If you'd rather have a regular paperback version, stay tuned. I'll have more news on that soon.

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  • December 14, 2004

    we seem to be having a problem with kids drinking themselves to death...well...not so much...kids have been drinking themselves to death forever...the real problem seems to be the other kids around them...how can you watch someone get falling down loaded and not feel some sense of concern for them...hey, joe fratboy...use that fancy new cell phone to call an ambulance...

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  • November 29, 2004

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    (Image by Bill Medcalf from The Great American Pinup, by Louis K. Meisel and Charles G. Martignette. Alteration is all me.)

    It's that time of year again. the Sellabration is on, and once again I'm disgusted. Just the same, I am an American so, I am label conscious and brand loyal. If I ask you what your favorite cereal is, you'd have an immediate answer. If you took few seconds to think about it, you might even be able to tell me who the manufacture is. Almost every choice you make on a daily basis involves choosing one brand over another. The problem is, we never truly think those choices through.

    The premise is that it's the things you love that define who you are. (this is one of the things that defines us as a consumer culture: your possessions say more about you than your actions.) I don't buy it.

    For example:

    1) Every computer I've ever owned has been made by Apple. Since 1992 I've purchased seven different pieces of Mac hardware. All of them have performed like thoroughbreds. (even the over hyped Quadra 840 AV)

    2) Since high school the only jeans I've worn are GAP jeans. They simply fit, look, and feel better than any other pair I've ever put on.

    3) My favorite food? Any meal I've cooked. My favorite meal? Quesodillas and Progresso tomato basil soup.

    The problem is...

    if you ask me what i value most, i'll tell you human life.

    We like having choices. We want what we want when we want it. We don't seem to care about the realities of what it takes to get those products to on our shelves.

    The reality is that we consume something like 90% of the world's resources.

    The reality is the majority of the rest of the world starves, is poisoned, and dies so we can have all our stuff.

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  • denver, right now...

    is new york at the turn of the last century...denver, right now...is los angeles in the 50s 60s and 70s...denver, right now...is becoming one of the great cities of this new century...

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  • November 22, 2004

    class warrior...

    weekend snapshot...friday night...dinner with friends...at a denver institution...the sons and daughters of the middle class...good people...good citizens...saturday...fundraising dinner party...for a denver institution...with the sons and daughters...and mothers and fathers...of the wealthy...good food...snappy conversation...followed by birthday drinks and conviviality with friends...too much whisky...too much...everything...sunday...a late rollover...and then...a one year olds birthday party...with the tattooed sons and dughters...and their sons and daughters...of farmers...bartenders...bikers...working class people...too hungover to be of any use...

    that scene in high fidelity...the one where he says he's not a class warrior...i get that...i don't envy the rich...i don't romantize poverty...and i cerrtainly don't desire the middle...i grew up working class...i went to public...and private schools...i hve been homeless...by the time i got to the suburbs i had already been taugfht that the wealth of the world is temporary...the only things that last in life are...love...integrity...and hard work...these values are not restricted to any one class...and i could live hapy and well...without ever owning real estate...or needing tax shelters...or making nothing more than the minimum rage...

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  • November 14, 2004

    better than even money...

    what i'm doing with my life is the equivalent of buying a lottery ticket...most people can'rt wrap their heads around that...the few that can...have been comedians...actors...artists...creatives...let me break it dowen...instead of giving up acouple of bucks out of my pocket...i've given up a stable income...a healthy relationship or two...you know...normal people shit...in the past, i've put my writing on the side...for the benefit of...finances...the emotional needs of others...you know...bullshit...my life is a bet...odds are...not in my favor...so you can imagine how fortunate i am to have a girlfriend who does the two most imortant things anyone in my position could want...believe in me...and push me...don't bet against me...

    oh yeah...PBS nails it...once again

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  • November 6, 2004

    not mourning...not leaving...fighting...still...

    i love this place too much to just leave and hand it over to christian conservatives...iran without the mullahs...yes it bothers me that american voters are more motivatited by fear than hope...bothered, but not surpised...if you're one of these so called values voters...think about this...

    war is not a christian value
    vengence is not a christian value
    intolerance is not a christian value
    deceit is not a christian value
    ignoring the sick and the poor is not a christian value
    fiscal irresposibility is not a christian value


    frankly i don't believe the presidential election hinged on so called values...the american people are afraid...afraid of abdul running into the malll screaming allah akbar!...they have been manipulated by the republican party...and are happy to live in a police state...the only political issue that is truely moral is abortion..and if your vote was based on that...think about this...what good is a child's life if they don't get to live in peace, prosperity and freedom...

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  • November 4, 2004

    what i've learned from blogging (so far)...

    stick to what you do best...if you can pump out 500+ well written words a day and imaginative photo essays...do your best...if you can openly examine your faults and foibles to the world while you bounce around the globe...more power to you...if you can have fun and let off some steam...go for it...if you can show the world new ways to look at itself...take your best shot...if you're like me...and you want to tell stories...create new and interesting worlds...examine the creative impulse...do what you gotta do...but don't try to be something you're not...like I did for the last three months...

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  • November 3, 2004

    well...

    i guess i can go back to wasting my vote on libertarian candidates...until obama runs...

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  • October 25, 2004

    m.i.a....

    i'm so embarrassed...apparently, there's at least one person that I don't know personally who reads the blog...i gulp as i type this...regularly...and i've been m.i.a. for at least two weeks...more like a month...i guess maybe i earned that...i'm not sure i've done the work to maintain anyone's loyalty...i'm now appropriately shamed into posting more often...this is the perenial issue with me...expectations...especially my own...its difficult to gicve myself permission to fail...example...i just typed "give" three times until i mistyped it...fuck it...better to suck than to fret...

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  • September 30, 2004

    a lot of self hate goin on...

    direct result of not getting as much writing done as I would prefer...honestly...its never enough...6 to 8 hours a day isn't enough...so you might be able to imagine how i feel because...i haven't been able to squeeze out fifty decent words in days...yes...constipation would be an apt analogy...

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  • September 26, 2004

    yes...

    i'm shilling for itunes...it's a small change...literally...i might make enough to buy a song or two...evry couple of months...in another sense it represents a big change...not so much change...as an opne acknowledgement that the blog was always intedned to be a marketing tool for my work...a means...not an ends...

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  • September 20, 2004

    living the life vs being...

    my best friend is a stand up comedian...he spends a lot of time driving in his car...driving to far flung american towns...bringing the gospel of laughter...anyway...he's started listening to tony robbins...i don't go for the stuff myself...i've spent a lot of time in the military...and military environments...i've learnd a little bit about how to help myself...but...my buddy said something the other dayh that he got from mr robbins...it stuck me...he said if he was just living the lifestyle of a comedian...rather than doing comedy...he would rather quit...at first blush...in my hubris...i nodded my head rightously and thought...well, duh...three days later that thought is still rattling in my head...of course...the seed of self doubt has sprouted...am i writing...or just living like a writer...well these words...and others...would seem to say something about me writing...somehow...i dont feel like i',mdoing enough...or maybe my time and energy is scattered...there are too many distractions...less time is being spent on my book(s)...am i being a writer...or just living the life...

    conclusion...less blog...more book...once a week...two days...one day here...another day there..i know...youre disapointed...shattered...somehow i think youget over it...especially aftter i finish my book...

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  • September 16, 2004

    no, i haven't forgotten...

    this month marks my second year blogging...blahbity blah...waht does it mean...time passed...what else...well...ive learned more code...im that much closer to geting published...and...i don't know...ive got something like 1500 total hits for my three blogs...yes, after all my bullshit about hit counters, i went and put one back in...i still think they're crap...but its good to know where you wonderful readers come from...of course...no blogger is an island...so...thanks, credit and blame go out to...flagrant...tony...sherron...and jill...and others...for sending people my way...and sometimes helping me find my way...that so much more important than a number...and i can't forget blogger for creating such a wonderful tool to begin with...beynd that...if you want to know what keeps me going...just read the title above the window...

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  • September 10, 2004

    strange dreams...

    dreamt that my step brother handed me one hundred checks mad in the amount of $415...$415,000...for some very odd reasons...I could only wish...

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  • August 31, 2004

    the bottom line...

    the reality for most authors...they don't make a living at it...their body of work is undiscovered...if that's going to be the case for me...why should i pour my...energy...time...blood...soul...into work so a publishing company can reap the majority of the profits...only to leave my work to sitting among piles of remaindered books...i may as well self publish...own my work...and get all of the profits...this way my work ends up in the hands of the readers who care enough to want to own it...without hundreds...thousands...of books being printed and wasted...

    yes, i understandthe marketing power publishers bring to the table...no, i'm not underestimating the appeal or quality of my work...unless you're a celebrity...brand name...i don't see the advantage of a publisher of any size...outside of an editor...i guess what i really need is an old style patron...someone as passionate about my work as i am...with deeper pockets...and integrity...

    regardless...look for something here as a test case...an opportunity for you...the small audience that i've attempted to cultivate...to show your apriciation for my work...

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  • August 26, 2004

    six hours of work today...

    edited chapters 2, 3, and 4...sapoke to someone about reading for me...you know, the mythical objective reader...they don't know you...have no ppersonal interest in keeping you hapy...someone who can read a story beyond just for pleasure...we'lll see...I just heard the words...i just finishe shooting this movie called sin city...that's twice today...gotta go geek out...

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  • August 16, 2004

    And a great soul burst into the world...

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    how to be a great writer

    you’ve got to fuck a great many women
    beautiful women
    and write a few decent love poems.

    and don’t worry about age
    and/or freshly arrived talents.

    just drink more beer
    more and more beer

    and attend the racetrack at least once a
    week

    and win
    if possible.

    learning to win is hard-
    any slob can be a good loser.

    and don’t forget your Brahms
    and your Bach and your
    beer.

    don’t overexercise.
    sleep until noon.

    avoid credit cards
    or paying for anything on
    time.

    remember that there isn’t a piece of ass
    in this world worth over $50
    (in 1977).

    and if you have the ability to love
    love yourself first
    but always be aware of the possibility of
    total defeat
    whether the reason for that defeat
    seems right or wrong-

    an early taste of death is not necessarily
    a bad thing.

    stay out of churches and bars and museums,
    and like the spider be
    patient-
    time is everybody’s cross,
    plus
    exile
    defeat
    treachery

    all that dross.

    stay with the beer.

    beer is continous blood.

    a continuous lover.

    get a large typewriter
    and as the footsteps go up and down
    outside your window

    hit that thing
    hit it hard

    make it a heavyweight fight

    make it the bull when he first charges in

    and remember the old dogs
    who fought so well:
    Hemingway, Celine, Dostoevsky, Hamsun.

    if you think they didn’t go crazy
    in tiny rooms
    just like you’re doing now

    without women
    without food
    without hope

    then you’re not ready.

    drink more beer.
    there’s time.
    and if there’s not
    that’s all right
    too.




    Thanks Hank

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  • August 14, 2004

    get ready for 2008...

    okay america...i don't think you're ready for this...but...let's remake The Wiz...that 1978 Diana Ross/Michael Jackson nightmare...the less said about it the better...now though...there is no better conglomeration of black talent that could make it happen...and erase the ugly memory of Ms Ross playing a teenage girl...your cast:

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    Dorothy is played by Alicia Keys (further review has brought us to our senses.)

    Andre3000 is The Scarecrow ('nuff said)

    Bernie Mac plays the The Cowardly Lion

    Don Cheadle plays The Tin Man (I don't know if he can sing, but this is the one role, outside of The Wiz that requires serious acting chops)

    (hold onto your crowns, here comes the stunt casting:)

    Halle Berry as the Wicked Witch of the West

    Queen Latifah as Good Witch Glenda

    and finally The Wiz:

    Mr George Clinton

    I propose this now so it can be released in time with the 30th anniversary of the stinky original...okay America let's make it happen!

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  • a short meditation...

    iv'e already said my piece on how important observaton is for writers...the small details i capture during a day...the wayy a womans skirt folds into the crease of her ass...the bit of ground coffee on the floor...the way the little girl resembels her mother...the body language of two men leaning into a latop computer...the burn marks on the tweakers finger...the way the purse strap rests in the woman's cleavage...the way the smoker holds her cigarette and watches the smoke curl away from her...the jittery leg of the woman staring intently at her compputer...

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  • August 13, 2004

    first person, third person...

    recent road trip allowed me to finish three books long on my to be read list...shopgirl...hey nostradamus...forever...goood books all...of the three...coupland's is tops...to be honest, i went into this book only knowing that it dealt with a columbine like incident...it goes so much further than that...as a writer, i enjoyed the mutiple first person perspectives...it could have been stunt writing, but it wasn't...it felt genuine...in comparison...martin's shoipgirl is written in the third person...i don't know if it was because oof the language he used, or if it was just a by roduct of his outlook...but it just felt like he held his characters...in disdain...maybe it's because he uses twenty dollar words...words no one uses on a daily basis...not at the bus stop...not in the coffeeshop...and certainly not in the bar...his new book is supposed to be first person...maybe...we'll see...

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  • July 31, 2004

    remaindered...

    i'm standing in a huge box of a retail store...it used to be a shoe outlet store...today it filled...with books...two thousand square feet...wall to wall...discounted...these are what they call remainders...this is what happens to books after consumers have gorged themselves on the bestseller list...christmast gifts...summer resding...i was so happy...i was paralyzed...something i read earlier flashed through my head...tens of thousands of books are published every year...most of them end up here...hardcover and aperback...after this place...what's next...a landfill...do i really want to add to this pile...and it's not all crap...there has got to be another way...

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  • July 30, 2004

    "I'm so happy you're here..."

    it is truely wonderful to wake up to the sound of a kind voice...expressing simply...without sentimentality...without being sappy...a sincere appriceiation for the simple facvt...that i am alive on planet earth today...on a day...my birthday...that i have allowed to become...just like any other day...

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  • July 28, 2004

    Raging Asshole with a side order of Lunatic...

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    that's me...that thing i said...about buying me a drink...you might want to think twice about that...because...I HAVE ISSUES...

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  • July 25, 2004

    please allow me to rant...

    you...yaeh you, hipster denverite...that bar that openened int hat obscure little neighboorhood three months agio..when you abondon it for the new hip thing in a month...yoou're fucking shot up...herte a suggestion...try loyalty...pick a couple of news palces you LOVE and stick with them until they get their feet under them...trty patronizing a place for more than six months...become a regular...

    rappers...what...the...fuck..."i like the way them victorias sittin' over thur"?...is this whaere we've come to fromm...do you remember..."Base! how low can you go...death row..what a brother know"...or..."people think they diss my person by stating I'm darkly packed"..how about something like..."I got more mack than Craig"...shit even something as simple as..."I came here with my dick in my hand, don't make me leave with my foot in your ass"...MOTHERFUCKER...i'm thirstty for tha real..come wit it...

    that's enough...time to knock that shit out...

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  • July 23, 2004

    dearest reader...

    thank you...i love you...if you see me out and about...on the town...come on over...say hello...i don't know...buy me a drink...well, maybe not in the grocery store...but please...please...don't...stare...and point...and smile...that's just creepy.

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  • July 22, 2004

    Sum of the ill shit that fuels this fire...

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    mothers milk

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    Charles Bukowski

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    Cash

    Farel Dalrymple

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    HST

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    Gordon Parks

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    Mingus

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    Otto Dix

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    Frank Miller

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    my fucked up friends...


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  • boingy, boingy, boingy...

    i've spent a lot of my life being alone...it's one of the things that helped make me a writer....it allowed me to cultivate...imagination...but...living with lady love...has cut my alone time...significantly...there are treade offs...interesting things happen when two nuts like us start bouncing of each other...and off the walls...
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    i can't write at home anyway...i need to work in a public space...something about...performance

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  • July 17, 2004

    my history in blogging...

    as i previously reported eleswhere...i've been writing since i was 18...i didn't really take it seriously until i was about 25...and i'd been bullshiting around with it until...i started bsb...so, what made that happen...welll, lets go back to 2000...

    the first year of the new millenium turned my life upside down...i decided that the only cure was to lay myself open...disect my life...and put it infront of everyone who's opinion mattered to me...once a week i put together an email that described what, who, where when and especially why i was doing...whatever i happend to be doing...to keep it interesting i included relavent weblinks to whatevr i wrote about...

    the entire email string described...a breakup...a cross country move...family drama...my love affair with the greatest city on earth...and came to a crashing halt in september of 2001...

    i no longer believed my personal adventure had any relavance to this new world we found ourselves in...

    then a couple of things happened...

    iread this story...(please don't sue me denver post, it's just an excerpt)

    i started drinking...heavily...

    i wrote this story...

    i looked around...and saw a lot of people...living in a very particular moment...like we had all realized...shit, life is short...this moment...lasted from about february 2002...to about last fall...during that time...

    denver was the alcohol consumption capital of the united states...

    a lot of people here were unemplyed...and walking around with money in their pockets...and too much time on their hands...and having a lot of fucking fun...

    time will tel...but i don't believe this was an isolated moment...this felt like a natioal mood...encapsulated...another of summer of 68...or is it 69...but better...because...it was ours...because the horror of watching ppeople choose between flames...or flight...reminded us that life is for living...that we only get so much time to really do something with our lives...

    so i started paying attention...and writing down what i saw...heard...felt...did...again...

    for the first time since disco was big (pre-'77)...i felt like i was a part of something that wasn't a fad (swing dancing anyone?)...that wasn't the product of clever marketing (decade noostalgia)...or a regurgited form of the same old bulshiott (how else do you explain...electroclash?)...

    and for the first time...i felt like my writing was an honest reflection of who i am...i felt like i was ready to put my stuff in front of an audience...

    and then there was another newspaper story...about a local kid...god i wish i could find it (kudos to whoever can dig this one up)...who killed himself...and blogger was going to take down his widely read blog out of respect...

    and that all led up to you reading thisentry today...

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  • July 13, 2004

    hi mom and dad...

    it's been a long time...too long...

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    you both lok prety damn hapy here...and i think it's because you're both in love...was i not far around the corner...

    mom...you did your best...iwas...still am...a willful fuck...i don't know what i would do if i was handed the deal you got...but i got questions...shit that only you could answer...

    dad...you lived long enough to see my first week of life...maybe...maybe you werr too busy fiighting to keep your own...they said you were a malingerer...good for nothing...fuck em pop...they...don't know shit anyway...

    this is what i know...this picture...it is the only thuth there is...a man...a woman...happy...in love...

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  • July 11, 2004

    deep waters...

    hhave you ever gone swiming in a deep mountain lake...especially at night...its dark...and cold...when there is no difference between the water and the sky above...that's exactly how i feel right now...

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  • July 9, 2004

    rule 1. If you don't run your own life, someone else will.

    as i was typing last night's sertmon on integrity...life was preparing to say...PROVE IT...

    i was filling out this application this morning and one of my best friends called and told me that a temp position was opening up in corporate hell...the same temp position that i left three months ago...because the 18 hour days were sucking the life out of me...because i want to finish bsb before the end of the year...because in those three months, i have written more...and better...thhan i did during the year i worked there...because my lady love was tired of only fucking on the weekends...priorities...right...

    i told her about the job...complained, actually...and of course, she brought the real...shhe remided me that i'm lucky to have choices...she told me that bsb is getting better and better...and she assured me that she would stand by whatever i chose...that's why she's my lady love...

    the plan was...is...to pick up some part time work...write everyday...and help the lady love with her business...the problem is...the part time job hasn't happened yet...and going back to my cubicle would be lucrative...certain promises were implied...less work...more pay...blahbiity, blahbity, blahbity...

    it's tepmting to turn this into an either/or siituation...writing vs money...but i know that's a false dichotomy...bukowski worked like a dog for the post office...and wrote...like a champ...this is the kind of thinking i used to seduce myself into wage slavery the first time around...

    committment requires sacrifice...loving my lady love means not dropping my cock into whatever pretty thing who swings her ass in my face...loving my writing means not wasting my time and energy doing something just because it makes my pockets fat...

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  • how it all started...

    this is a picture of my grandfather:

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    when you Google my name you get a lot of information about him...he was a jazz composer and pianist, and remains a major influence his craft...

    what does any of this have to do with my writing...perhaps you can imagine...growing up with this knowledge...i never had the pleasure and priviledge of knowing the man...just the legend...

    i'm proud to be his grandson...and i'm grateful for what that has brought to me...particularly his example of how a man can move through life...build a body of work...and keep his integrity intact...he is reason Number One for why i write...

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  • July 6, 2004

    What up!!!

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    yes i finally figured out the whole picture thing...this is my happy mugshot...i'm amazed...this pic was taken almost exactly three yearts ago...during one of the most miserable periosd of my life...and it is the best picture of of me as an adult...i think the guiness helped...

    oh yeah...thank you ImageShack for helping a web twit like me get viisual on it...

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  • July 4, 2004

    KNOWtheLEDGE

    writing in the first person...to some, it's stunt writing...the further you get from your own perspective...gender, race, class, education...the more of a stunt it becomes...for the reaqder, it's like grading a test...theyre looking for the wrong asnsweres...i find the most chalenge in writing a character who's close to my perspective, and then going places i might not necessarily go on my own...dark waters...to do so, you realkly have to know yourself...waht youre capable of...know the lines that have to be crossed...and tread them without fear of whats on the other side...

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  • June 25, 2004

    more gems from my giirlfriend's mouth...

    put some heat on it!

    stop being such a fingerfuck.

    you know, for coitus.

  • Johnny Cash Loves You!
  • June 24, 2004

    um, redesign

    yeaqh...it was time...mostly because this started out as a secret blog...just for me...and then i built in some secret passages and trappdoors to lead people here...when i started sending out direcdt links to it...well...the secrets out...so why not make the place presentalbe...and while i'm at it...

    restate my purpose here...

    this is a journal of my creative process. i'll talk about what inspires me, how something goes from idea to words on the page, and anything else that might spill out of my head.

    i am a writer/filmmaker in denver, colorado

    my work is informed by a variety of creative forces:

    Burroughs, William
    Bukowski, Charles
    Thompson, Hunter & Jim
    Himes, Chester
    Carver, Raymond
    Dreiser, Theodore
    Goines, Donald
    Steinbeck, John
    Leigh, Mike
    Lee, Spike
    Scorsese, Martin
    Dix, Otto
    Gilliam, Terry
    Simone, Nina
    D, Chuck
    Waits, Tom
    Mingus, Charles
    Cash, Johnny
    Mother Africa
    Guiness

    to name a handful.

    i've been writing for 18 years.

    i've been writing seriously in happy obscurity for 10 years

    i have have a passion/weakness for women and alcohol.

    this is my testimony.

    make believe love is a poisonous pleasure
    real love is the sand in my shoe
    the passion that feeds me is my passion for words
    at the end of the day i am my own best company
    at the end of my life all i have is me

  • Johnny Cash Loves You!
  • observe and record

    jill has posted a very good writing exercise and it's inspired me to write a little something about how i keep my creativity alive...

    first, grab your camera...it doesn't have to be fancy...a $5 camera in a box will do...and everyday, for for five days...take one picture of the following tyeps...portrait...candid...landscape...architectual...still life...one picture a day...so after five days you have taken one portrait, one candid, etc...the order doesn't matter...repeat this patern for 30 days

    the point of the the execise it two fold...first, it slows you down...instead of pointing your camera at any and everything, it makes you aim deliberately, and (hopefully) thoughtfuly...if you only get one shot a day, i bet you won't waste it...

    second, it sharpens your observational skills...it narrows down your focus...and it widens your scope...one day youre taking a picture of one of your favorite buildings...the next day youre arranging pocket change...shit like that...

    every good writer starts with two basic skills...observe...and record...


  • Johnny Cash Loves You!
  • June 20, 2004

    first i want to talk about my blessings...there's no need here for me to run down my pedigreee...but it could be summed up that life has pu a lot of shhit in front of me...but i really am blessed to have this woman with me right now...case in point...last lignt she kept me from mixing it up wit some ignant ass mutherfuker and his girlfriend...and kept me from going to jail...again...but she was ready to go...i had to talk her down from whipping that skinny little girls ass...shes a wildcat, this one...i know she's got my back...and i damn sure got hers

    i am not satisfied...it's not enough...so far, ive been dabbling at the surface...toying with my subject matter...i've got to go deeper...that's right...get emotional...i've got to sink my teeth into it...ripp the head off...and get bto the heart...tear the fucker open...and get up inside of it...

  • Johnny Cash Loves You!
  • June 18, 2004

    when i read other peolples blogs and they say...real bloggers write EVERYDAY...this is my internal dialog...um, bullshit...this is the problem with living in a celebrity culture...EVERYONE thinks EVERYTHING they do is worthy of the worlds ATTENTION...now i kinow blogging is an exercise in vanity...but i am only vain enough to think that someone might be interested in some of the stuff i write...i write everyday...i don't post everday...i'm not so vain to think that everything i write is worth reading...americans...when will we get over ourselves...


  • Johnny Cash Loves You!
  • June 16, 2004

    this is a link to an online william burroughs cut up machine...it is good...it is fun...use it for your benefit

  • Johnny Cash Loves You!
  • cunt, cunt, cunty cunt...honey, this breakfast is cuntastic...last night's game? why it was cuntacular...i'm sorry for being such a cunt...now bring your cunt over here...it sounds like it needs a good cunt licking...

  • grow up
  • June 8, 2004

    okay now i just ffel like a prornographer...am i pandering to the bottom feeders...it's smut, i know it is...it only slightly better than a well written penthouse lettre...as a writer i know i'm goood at three things...lonlieness, violence and sex...its whatg i do...to be ashamed of that would somehow be akin to apologizing for breathing...

    for me good storytelling begins with character...characters making choices...and then reacting, or not, to the consequences...because there is no choice without consequence...this is the lesson of daily life...add a dash of drama...and blam...youve got the beginings of a good story...it's a fairly simple formula...just like a martini, it's easy to fuckj up...the question here is what constitutes drama...in a human life the most pivitol events hinge on one of two things...love and death...these to me are the most fascinating parts of life...what drivesus to love...whhat are the many ways humans express love...hoow do we acknoledge death, if at all...addmitedly, sex and violence lie at the surface of these questions...why do we fuck...we seem to be part of an exclusive club that has sex for reasons other than procreeation...or is that a lie...why do we kill...again, we seen to be the exception in a system where the rule is to only kill for survival...theis is the stuff my writing comes from...and it the only defense i have for my subject matter...

  • Johnny Cash Loves You!
  • June 6, 2004

    outdoor rock concerts...the reasons why not...frat house mall boys...with their mohawk mulletts and plastic elvis glasses...i wanna pimp slap them just to watch the truckeer capps fall off their heads...their drunk dates...falling down laoded before the sun sets...before the show's over, she''ll be puking or getign fucked in the back of somebody's car...the acid eating hippies...reeling in the years...the only thing stronger than their pachouli...the stink of regret..some of us live in the here and now...yuppies who show up late to a GA show...pushing their way in front...walking gentrification...me...for spending the first hour of the show writing this rant in my head.

    the reasons why...musicians who play with passion and integrity...fans returning that passion with enthusiasm and respect...the contact high

  • Johnny Cash Loves You!
  • May 29, 2004

    i'm seruiosly comtemplating ditching the hit counter...hit counters, site meters and such...they are the achilles heel of blogging...why do i care how many peole are clicking me...i'm goin to write anyway...i've been writng in one form or another for 18 years...blogging is just one more way of doing it...i never gave a damn if anyoner read my shit previously, why is is so almighty important today?...it's a measurement of trafic...not quality...nor sincerity...that's it...i'm convinced...the counters die today...kill yours too...your blog just might get better


  • Johnny Cash Loves You!
  • May 24, 2004

    another fine colorado evening...contemplatiing music...specifically..jazz...that woord means a loyt of different things...to some it's light innocuous music that plays in the background of your life...for others its showtunes...and covers of pop songs...it is tyhose things...yet i thionk jazz is at it's bewst when it does tywo things...going back and moving forward...jazz began as dance music...it was whhat peole listened to when they got they groove on...tooday there are some jazz musicxians who still understandf that...especially on the latin flavor...and in that interesting place where hiphopmeetsjazzmeetselectronic...going back...the other thing tht jazz does really well is get intelectual on it...challenging and changing conventional musical thinking...ts monk knew...in the fifties people though he was playing space music...now they sell cars with it...moving forward...

  • Johnny Cash Loves You!
  • May 23, 2004

    this morning's lesson from the school of duh...strong and determined beats lazy and afraid...everytime.


  • Johnny Cash Loves You!
  • May 17, 2004

    freedom looms...

  • Johnny Cash Loves You!
  • May 11, 2004

    random notes from the Getting Published panel at the ol alma mater...why am i here...one self help writer...a 2 time novelist choking on his third...a shorts writer with one book on the shelves and onother in the printer...would you have a drink with any of these people...lay yourself at the feet of the muse...saliient points...do the work...evryday...nothing else...revise, revise, revise...networking wins...shop agents...put your work in front of people who are looking for something to sell...find honest readers...there's no money in writing...um, no shit...all these poeple are here as advertisments for the programs they teach at...consequently...all recommend workshopping and masters level programs...drink anyone???


  • Johnny Cash Loves You!
  • May 8, 2004

    so, b,s,b has been up since xxx, and it's gotton acouple thousand hits...works for me, i'm not here to be popular, I'm here to be a great fucking writer...waddya think? (carriage return) the dominant reading trend is thhursady nights between 8 and 9 pm

    Thursday nights between 8 & 9 pm

    i throw on my antisocial unifrom(Taxi Driver fiield jacket splattered with what looks to be...blood...and the orange baseball cap with thte Dick name patch...pulled low over my eyes) and walk down to my favorite liquor house to process this information...it's packed with pretty people...i love this place, but it's purgatory on the weekends...

    Thurs 8-9 pm

    What does that mean? does it mean anything?...who's trolling blogs thursdays from 8 to 9 at niight...am i a distraction from mind numbing tv tripe...does my work serve as some kind of warm up for the weekend...are my stories fodder for the all important mid week wank (i'm convinced this is part of the attraction)...

    THURSDAYS 8:00PM-9:00PM!!!!

    who gives a fuck...i'm a writer...i'm not here to disectmy demographics...pour me another drink.


  • Johnny Cash Loves You!
  • May 6, 2004

    i want to take a moment to talk about timmie...you know timmie...timmie tells you when he's going to the bathroom...timmie uses the word kewl...timmie also uses words like hegemony and tetosterone poisoned...timmie uses finger quotes...timmie doesn't like the word fuck...timmie doesn't like the word cock...timmie especially doesn't like the words bitch or cunt...and timmie would never use them in front of a woman...timmie likes women (mostly) but can never look them in the eye...timmie thinks words like nigger, wasp, kike, dyke, breeder, wop, mick, chink, or limey are denigrating to humanity...timmie doesn't know that words only have power if you allow them to...timmie will tell you sinatra beat mia...timmie will tell you cash was a pill freak...timmie will tell you MJ is a victim...timmie has no secrets, he's an open book...you can read all about timmie on his blog...timmie can always be reached on his home phone, office phone, fax, cell phone, pager, email, and IM...timmie leaves long, detailed messages...timmie likes to explain himself...timmie has never thrown a punch in his life...timmie has never had his ass kicked either (he needs it)...the only hats timmie owns are baseball caps...timmie used to wear a trucker cap, but that's not kewl anymore...timmie misses the days you could wear chuck taylors at work...timmie misses his old job at poorbusinessmodel.com...now timmie has to be a grown up and put on a tie...just like his father...timmie is what's left of manhood after centuries of being whittled at and worn down...are you timmie?...my man tony knows...he can help you...don't be timmie

  • Johnny Cash Loves You!
  • April 27, 2004

    your word of the week:

    transmogrify:

    to change or alter greatly and often with grotesque or humorous effect.

    Etymology: origin unknown

    thank you,

    http://www.itools.com/


  • Johnny Cash Loves You!
  • April 25, 2004

    they've made a lot of movies about serial killers...but non so perfect as se7en...ok allmost perfect...the ppride and lust murders feel tacked on just for a completist fetish...but almost ten years later its still very watchable, and stll engaging...ecellent direction from fincher and freeman's ppresence both hides and grounds pitts tendancy for overactijng...khondji's camerawork is surpurb...a lot of people think llambs is the best of this genre...nothin but a half stroke incomparison...more than likely, se7en is the best it's gonna get...been nothing but imitators eversince...


  • Johnny Cash Loves You!
  • April 22, 2004

    re-viewing The Hustler for about the 50th time...quite possibly a perfect movie...Papillion definately is...George C has my absolute favorite line of all time...most people are just looking for a reason to lose...


  • Johnny Cash Loves You!
  • Post scription...the truthis in the word...


  • Johnny Cash Loves You!
  • note to future self...this time made you strnger...prepared you for the sucesses you arew enjoying now...you broke free of your corporatre indenturetude...you crated finacil freedom and wealth...true wealth...generationj typ shit...the love you had sustained you, no, you sustained each other...that's the reason that now the only struggle for you is getting the words on the paper...which is no struggle at all...it's making love...its a good fuck...it's like breathing...


  • Johnny Cash Loves You!
  • April 21, 2004

    a book deal cannot come too sooon...this job is killing me... thisjobiskillingme...
    thisjobiskillingmethisjobiskillingmethisjobiskillingmethisjobiskillingmethisjobiskillingmet
    hisjobiskillingmethisjobiskillingmethisjobiskillingmethisjobiskillingmethisjobiskillingmeth
    isjobiskillingmethisjobiskillingmethisjobiskillingmethisjobiskillingmethisjobiskill
    ingmethisjobiskillingmethisjobiskillingmethisjobiskillingmethisjobiskillingmethisjobi
    skillingme
    thisjo
    bisk
    illingmeth
    i
    sjobi
    skill
    in
    gmet
    hi
    sjo
    bi
    ski
    lli
    ngm
    ethis
    jo
    b
    isk
    illingm
    ethisj
    obi
    s
    kil
    lingme
    thi
    sj
    o
    b
    i
    s
    k
    i
    l
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    i
    n
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    m
    e
    thisjobiskillingme
    thisjobiskillingme
    thisjobiskillingmethisjobiskillingme


  • Johnny Cash Loves You!
  • April 15, 2004

    Your word of the week:

    obstinate:

    perversely adhering to an opinion, purpose, or course in spite of reason, arguments, or persuasion

    thank you
  • Merriam-Webster Online



  • Johnny Cash Loves You!
  • April 13, 2004

    i've seen al ot of hating in the internet for eternal sunshine..it smeells a like jealousy...what mssrs kaufman and gondry have done (my thoughts on autuer theory will be deferred for another day) is make a love letter to breaking up...kaufmanhas managed something very vew hollywood writers pull off...sustained commercial success without pandering to the audience...some folks can't handle seeing someone become successful...so they hate...I say good for him...keep bringing it...jimmy like


  • Johnny Cash Loves You!
  • April 1, 2004

    i don't comment ofetn about the news/socio/politic/cultural obssesion of the moment, but i will say this...

    Golden Boy...just another old white man showing his ass...no surprise here...what bothers me are the fools out there who think he's right...on second thought, i'm not sweatin' them fools either...because a fool will always show his ass...just like Mr Football...but what about those fools sitting in personnel, admissions, recruiting, the board of education...them's the dangerous ones...


  • Johnny Cash Loves You!
  • March 31, 2004

    thewordsthewordsthewords...


  • Johnny Cash Loves You!
  • March 11, 2004

    When e uses the line "rags to rags and rust to rust" no one thinks he's stealing from Neil Young. e is laying claim to a musical tradition, and rightfully so i believe. besides turning a poetic phraase, he's saying, this is whaer i fit in, this is where i come from, this how i see my work. sure, he's treding in the fottsteps of others, but he's bring something new to it, himself. that's genuine. that's not stealing or mimicry, it's creativity.

  • Johnny Cash Loves You!
  • March 8, 2004

    Johhny Cash Loves You!

    February 26, 2004

    let's try this one on...

    the sixties, seventies, and nineties...three decades when men of western cultures began to realize that all this stuff that took thousands of years to create, build and codify, you know the things that were supposed to be created for the protection, benefit, and glorification of women...um, well, women didn't want it...well, some of them didn't...and not all of it was completely bad...just the stuff that didn't work for women...

    February 16, 2004

    i learned a long time ago that i didn't belong in journalism...it comes doown to this;

    i'm not interested ing thhe factual truth...i'd much rather explore the emotional truth...since the emotional truth is sucha a subjective thing, sometimes the facts get in the way of the truth...

    February 10, 2004

    today's word: petulant

    1 : insolent or rude in speech or behavior
    2 : characterized by temporary or capricious ill humor

    Thank you
  • Merriam-Webster Online
  • February 9, 2004

    a very interesting conversation has led me to a new level of understanding of my work (which pleases me to no end, the work, that is...) in order to illuminate this understanding, some background...(students of semiotics might find this entertaining...) my process is informed by two assumptions:
    1) there are no new stories, just new ways of telling them.

    foundation- for me, the creative process is about expressing what it means to be a human being. specific to my pursuits, storytelling is the expression of human life. every emotion, challenge and crossroads in my life, has been experienced by the billions of people who came before me, and storytellers have told stories about those experiences millions of times before me. because there has never been anyone exactly like me before, and there will never be anyone exactly like me again, the only thing i can honestly bring to the endevour is the only thing that's truely mine; my point of view. this the only place anything resembling originality really exists- point of view.

    (which feeds the second assumption of my process...)

    2) objectivity is a lie.

    foundation- everything we experience, we experience through the filters of the previous experiences that have come before. to find the truth of ourselves we have to explore who we are and why. the idea that by somehow separating ourselves from our experiences, opinions and emotions, we can get closer to the truth of our humanity, denies the truth of being human. by removing yourself from your self, you leave behind all the evidence of who you are. the truth of what it means to be human does not exist outside of humanity.

    revelation: my work is formed by my process. this is the medium is the message truism, yet i find that since my process is about renouncing objectivity, and exercising subjectivity, my writing is not so much about men and relationships, which is my aim, but much more, the work is about point of view. the stories i'm telling are all told from the point of view of a handful of characters. each of them see the world as a reflection of their values and experiences.

    which leads to an valuable question:

    If i'm writing from another's point of view, and I believe that it's impossible to separate from my own point of view, who's point of view am I actually representing?

    I'll answer that with a caution: never confuse the story with the storyteller.

    February 4, 2004

    notes from a man who occasionally writes from a woman's p.o.v.:

    so I've done that...is it the best writing of it's particular kind? no...is it the worst? I don't think so...am i goin g to stop because it's not absolutely dead on? uh, no...I'll keep writing women until I no longer have anything to say...about women...

    February 3, 2004

    Who the fuck is Von Dutch?

    or is it Van Dutch?

    who the fuck cares?

    January 20, 2004

    things you want to hear your new girlfriend say....

    i'm sorry, i wasn't listening, i was thinking about anal sex...

    you're not allowed to leave this house without fucking me...

    January 2, 2004

    okay, it's taken me more than a month to post the promised long form story. give a brother a break, the holiday season can be a distraction...it will be up...soon...i promise...soon...