December 10, 2003

Our word today: Sociopath- (noun) a person who is completely unable or unwilling to behave in a way that is acceptable to society.

Thank you
  • Cambridge Dictionary
  • December 6, 2003

    I have been without my lovable hunk of white plastic for a week...ahhhh...it's good to be digital again...i owe myself a good long stretch of writing...look for it to land on b,s,b soon...

    November 21, 2003

    One of the rare moments i actually enjoy working in my beige colored, glass coated souls sucking office building...watching a cotton candy colored sunset settle over the city...

    November 20, 2003

    For anyone who believes hardore racism doesn't exist...I give you evidence #36.3.22:

    The man who walked up to me today during lunch and asked me what country i was from...

    November 10, 2003

    http://search.yahoo.com/search?p=sexhotsex&ei=UTF-8&fr=fp-tab-web-t&cop=mss&tab=

    #6...people...only you can make me #1!

    November 6, 2003

    somewhere in my life i chose to separate my self from the outside world...to stand alone...my own man, shaped only by the life that ilive...it is a lonely way...it is a hard way...i've sometimes fought against that choice...mostly though, it is a choice of freedom...it is a choice of integrity in a corrupt culture...it is a choice to be responsible for who i am...it's a way...in the chinese sense, it is tao...it suits me.

    November 5, 2003

    I know I'm not the only one who experiences a tiny thrill when the yoga teacher touches you during class...am i?


    completely unrelated...it's hard no to feel contempt for the way of life that produces the typical american...in spirit, it is a life dominated by unearned priviledge, lazieness, waste, violence, and stupidity...of course life is constant flux, so...it is also a way life that contains hard work, compassion, conservation, and intellectual curiosity...am i a grumpy old man, or do those latter qualities seem to be found in feweer and fewer people?

    November 3, 2003

    a very good friend just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl last week...that young lady is blessed and loved...I just wish she had a different name...

    November 1, 2003

    looking in the mirror this morning...who is this guy wearting my clothes?...um, it's too early for some kind of mid life breakdown...i honestly cannot recognize myself...that's either good news, or really, really very bad news...

    October 30, 2003

    for anyone out there who still Don't Know... a short course in pimping...pimping is the art of running game in pursuit of sex and/or money...sample...when you're watching a commercial on tv...you are being pimped...if there is a logo prominently displayed on your clothes...you have been pimped...buying a drink for someone you just met at the bar...depends, you could be pimping...chances are...you are getting pimped.

    October 28, 2003

    finally allowed myself to see matrix sequel last night...waayyy too long...i don't see a reason for an action movie over 90 min...my edit...the swarming smiths sequence...shortened to 3 min...the architech's speech...shortened to 2 min...the french guy's speech...cut...the fight on the marble stairs...shortened to 2 min... I'm down with the philisophical side of the movie, but they laid it on thick...like they were afraid people wouldn't get it...berevity...is more powerful than lonf windedness.

    October 20, 2003

    beneath my friendly exterior today...i hate people...for no apparent reason...other than to simply hate...

    October 14, 2003

    okay people, the insanity continues...#9 with a bullet:

    http://search.msn.com/results.aspx?q=sexhotsex&FORM=SMCRT


    okay, so i have a dream of sex with Madonna...i like that idea, so when i finally dream it, you'd think it would be good...yet in my dream i'm disappointed...and wish i was with with my most recent lover...what the?

    October 13, 2003

    If art is a religion, this last weekend was an evangelical tent revival...

    I saw three great movies:

    Foo-Foo Dust- A documentary about a mother and son struggling with drug addictions, and their love for each other. Devastating, sad, and beautiful in it's exploration of two people clinging to each other as they slide towards their doom.

    Film as Subversive Art- A documentary about Amos Vogel, pioneering avant-garde film programmer and distributor. Inspirational story of a young Jewish immigrant who escaped Hitler in Austria and came to NYC. There he created Cinema 16, a highly influential film society that helped introduce important filmmakers to American audiences, and shook our ideas of what film should be.

    Bitter Jester- Okay, maybe not great, but definitely worth the investment. Another doc, but this time about the nightmare world of stand-up comedy. Maija Digiorno is our guide as she tries to get her career back on track after cursing out an industry audience at the Aspen Comedy Festival. Insightful and funny, her boyfriend/producer Kenny is the most frightening human being I've encountered on a movie screen this year.

    Oh, and can't forget the shorts...

    Most memorable so far:

    Terminal Bar- Made almost entirely from still photos, this is a look back at NYC of the 70's. A son tells his father's story as a bartender in one of the diveyest dives of all time. The Terminal Bar sat on the corner across from the Port Authority on 42nd St. First a hangout for Jewish mobsters, it became the seedy center for pimps, hustlers, cruisers and losers. This is a love letter to a NYC that doesn't exist anymore.


    Fast Film- A fun little short, made entirely from bits of iconic imagery from movie history. This is every story that has ever been told.

    But by far, the highlight of the weekend was Wynton Marsalis and the Lincoln Center Jazz Orchestra.

    This made me so very happy. It was like seeing Ali vs. Forman, it was Elvis, Johnny Cash, and Jerry Lee Lewis at Sun Studio, it was Bukowski in the Tenderloin district, Burroughs on heroin, and Martin Luther King's I Have a Dream speech at the foot of the Lincoln Memorial.

    These men played music, and the audience soaked it up. We were thirsty for something we didn't know we were without. And Wynton...it's like the man is channeling every great blues and jazz musician and history through his horn. Even when he's playing soft and low, he blows straight through you. Damn.

    October 12, 2003

    after some conversation and a piece of advice (for good or ill), i decided to make this entry...

    what's all this about...the blogging, the website, all the reading, watching and writing...to what end is all this time and energy being dedicated...i've known the answer to this question for years, i've dared not speak it for shame, and superstition...

    one day, i'd love to walk into a bookstore and see a book on the shelves with my name on it and be proud that it is my work.

    there, i said it.

    write it down, do the work...

    October 8, 2003

    this is all i have to say about what happened in california today...this is what happens when you put a pistol in the hands of a monkey...

    October 7, 2003

    here's a secret i've known for years...I'm ready to share it with the world...

    You know that guy, the one you see walking down the sidewalk with the look in his eye like he's got the world on a string..you ever wonder how he can move through the world with such confidence?

    there are three things that make a man walk like that...a good shine on his shoes, money in his pocket, and an amazing blowjob...

    two out three...i can live with that...

    October 6, 2003

    more thoughts of old men i meet...during, well after really, this spring's big snowstorm i was out and about and i spoke with this old man standing on the corner of a snowdrifted intersection downtown...he was full of stories about his youth, the war (his war), women, family...he spoke non-stop, he was happy to have someone listen...by telling all this stuff now, what will i have to talk about when i'm 70?

    October 2, 2003

    just had a great laugh...someone did a search on msn for sexhotsex and my blog popped up at #15...it is a sick sad world...i love it.

    September 30, 2003

    after putting it off as long as i could, i went to see American Splendor...before this movie, i had no idea who harvey pekar was...i would dare say that his work goes a long way towards creating a convincing artguement that comic books are a literary art form..i wouldn't go so far as saying they are an american art form...you can't ignore or underestimate the japanses contribution...so, why did i avoid this movie? it confirmed what i was afraid it would..excluding the whole being published thing, my life has been an awful lot like his...dead end souls sucking occupation for apaycheck...yeadrs of working in obscurity...crotchety attitude...believe it or not though, i walked out inspired and enboldened for more lonlieness, frustration, and lack of recognition...
  • comments, questions, complaints...
  • September 9, 2003

    reason # 51 why you won't see a romantic comedy script with my name on it...

    how do you portray the good times in a relationship without walking into cliches?

    September 6, 2003

    thoughts this morn of an old man I met last winter...won't cover the details...might write about it...what's on my mind this morning is his state of mind...at best he was in his mid70's...his grasp of the world around him was thin...his major though process seemed to circle aorund fear, confusion, desperation...when I met him, i thought, there but for grace of god...today i feel like i was given a glimpse of my future...

    September 5, 2003

    try again...so...what's ahead...prepping a new website...for a fuller digital representaion...hope to include some audio/video...we'll see...

    inspirations...photography...both shooting and viewing...frustrated now because my digi is at the bottom of the largest freshwater lake west of the m.i.ss.iss.i.pp.i...i may just have to resort to analog...
    blogger pissing me off right now...will try to post again later...urrrrrrgh

    September 4, 2003

    well it seems I've been doing this for about a year...reasses...learned a little html...more comfortable with putting my work in front of people...loving the new direction in theme and tone...all in all a good move in the right direction...keep on movin...

    September 3, 2003

    moving some posts from b,s,b,...really more appropriate in this space...

    this entry from 9.4.01 kinda says it all:

    so i'll own this

    make believe love is a poisonous pleasure
    real love is the sand in my shoe
    the passion that feeds me is my passion for words
    at the end of the day i am my own best company
    at the end of my life all i have is me
    housecleaning...entry from 9.5.01...

    a few details...

    i'm a writer/filmmaker in the rocky mountain region

    my work is informed by a variety of creative forces:

    Burroughs, William
    Bukowski, Charles
    Thompson, Hunter & Jim
    Himes, Chester
    Carver, Raymond
    Dreiser, Theodore
    Goines, Donald
    Steinbeck, John
    Leigh, Mike
    Lee, Spike
    Scorsese, Marty
    Dix, Otto
    Gilliam, Terry
    Simone, Nina
    D, Chuck
    Waits, Tom
    Mingus, Charles
    Cash, Johnny
    Mother Africa
    Guiness

    to name a handful.

    i've been working in happy obscurity as an independent publisher and producer for five years.

    i've been writing for over 15 years.

    i have have a passion/weakness for women and alcohol.

    this is my testimony.

    September 2, 2003

    dreams...dreams of others...dreams of mine...always good material...for instance: the dream a girl had of her teeth falling out...communication, but i have to lookt that one up...i'm sure there's more to it...or the dream of a group of women standing together at a party...wake...and the daughter of the dead man asks her friends to have sex with her father...it seems he's not dead, just in a coma...she hopes this will bring him to life...so they each take turns...hey, i didn't make this up...or the dream of a gift that has been waiting for a boy for 23 years...kept secret from him by a greedy, manipulative step father...what more is there to say?

    August 29, 2003

    thank God for the words...i've been the same way since i was a kid...everytime i got comfortable/someone told me i was good at something, i dropped it and moved on...track, gymnastics, wrestling, acting, singing...and now the whole filmmaking/dj/graphicnovel thing is just more in a succession of things that i jumped into and got bored with...fucking dillettante...

    thinking about it, relationships have been pretty much the same way...how can a man be a dilletantte with life? what does that come from? where does that lead to?

    August 28, 2003

    i am a dilletante...not with the writing, but the whole filmaking/dj thing is less rewarding/satisfying/fascinating than they once were...the words though, never go away...never

    August 26, 2003

    recent conversations with the best friend leave me leaning in these directions: marriage probably not for me, yet would love to be a father...chicago? not as things stand...lot o hottness here in the mile high city...hormones? boiling over...to be released

    August 17, 2003

    on vaca right row...some quick observations...marriage...coming to the conclusions that it might not be for me...well i might not be built to be succeessful at it in any traditional sense...oh welll...reading hobo by eddy joe cotton...a romantic little tale of a wandering boy...hopping trains, slleping under tha stars, ,going hungry...i've had my hungry days...can't say i want to go back...

    August 11, 2003

    okay, so...

    dreamt last night of a girl working at a black owned dairy farm...lasting image...freckled faced and pigatiled in overalls wrestling with a calf...why? dont know...

    architecture...good design...human creations that help make the world amke sense, and open pathways of thought, movent, and expression...like a good story should

    August 10, 2003

    if you've found this, it's probably by accident, or maybe your curiosity led you here. either way, i'm pleased. welcome.

    this is supposed to be a journal of my creative process. i'll talk about what inspires me, how something goes from idea to words on the page, images on the screen, or sounds in your ears, and anything else that might spill out of my head.

    the only promise i can make is that it will be posted sporadically, my thoughs will be rambling, my spelling and grammar incorrect, and the punctuation sloppy.

    enjoy...