a confession...an inspiration...

i have never read norman mailer...on it's face, not such an egregious crime...as a matter of fact...some might consider it a blessing...

what with all the promotion his new book book is getting...and how he's being lauded as...the last of the tough guy writers...

given who i am...and what i claim to be...you'd think it would be a cardinal sin to miss out on one of the writers rooted in the same family tree as...papa hemingway...hank...and the good dr...

well...i still don't feel like i'm missing out on anything...then i come across these words...

"If we think of a world without novels—which is coming to pass—then existence will become more technological, and more filled with all the handmaidens of technology."

and i re-think my assertion...so...in an act of complete futility...let's add another book to the mountain of reading i've assigned myself this year...this one will do...



we'll see...

speaking of being moved by the words of others...when i read these sentences...

"Some images are so horrifying that they worm themselves into your brain and lodge there forever, no matter how hard you work to expel them. You have to walk your conscious thoughts carefully around these images because they can hurl you into madness."

i was forced to consider the truth of the first part...and whether or not i considered the second part to be...wisdom or foolishness...and how much i would love to explore these ideas in a story...

great...another toy for me to play with...

good news is...8 chapters...in the pocket...gotta keep marching...

man brunch...or...mrunch...

ms scribe and her lady friends gathered this morning for brunch...so we the husbands and boyfriends decided to have our own brunch...man brunch...mrunch...

now it's no mystery that i'm socially inept...one on one...i'm good to go...performing in front of a group...no problem...in a group of three or more...i'm an idiot...

but i try...anyway...

so i end up opening my mouth...and thinking...what the hell did i just say...is it possible to say something more inane...i mean...tv shows...websites...movies...bullshit...

i'd much rather keep my mouth shut...

then i'm unsocial...aloof...arrogant...

chit chat...it's a no win game...fuck it...

pen and paper never fail me...

my two cents...

ms scribe has been following the story of danny and nina...and their move to denver...she's been telling me about it for weeks...so...please allow me to be the millionth person to say...welcome to denver...as a transplant new yorker...allow me to offer...some unsolicited advice...

so you're looking for a place to stay...

i've lived all over denver...and the best neighborhood i can recommend...is city park...you've been over there...if you took a walk around...you might have seen it's charms...

but definitely stay away from capitol hill...i know...it's affordable...all the cool kids live there...it's denver's version of brooklyn...believe me...it's no brooklyn...you may have noticed...

[editor's note: no, the highlands is denver's brooklyn...capitol hill is denver's...L.E.S....the baker neighborhood is denver's...west village...and lodo is...oh fuck it...]

btw...you may also have noticed...a dearth of...um...ethnicities...maybe not...maybe this comforts you...well then, welcome home...

food and drink...

there are plenty of bars in denver...more than a few of them are great bars...i'm sure you've already been given a list of...all the hip places...but if i could only recommend one...my pick would be...my brother's bar...best burgers and beer in town...

that's an easy one...especially this year...the 50th anniversary of...on the road...

btw...did you know our that esteemed mayor made his bones...in the bar business...i love this town...

culture...

you've already been acquainted with westword...good move...if you want to know what's going on in denver...there's no better place to start...but...these folks are always good for some of the best events in town...

btw...we missed you last night at my buddy's book reading...

getting around...

coming from new york, you might miss a really good mass transit system...it's getting better...and you can live here without a car...i managed to make it work for over five years...

btw...if you find yourself trapped in traffic...make sure your radio is tuned to 1190 am...yes, the best music on the airwaves is am...even if you like jazz music...

watch'u doin' tonight...?

btw...what was the over/under on how long it would take for me to bail on the daily posting...

good news is...progress on my book is moving well...

it's official...

i am tired of all this fucking snow...

who needs a drink...

i got my three chapters in for the week....so ms scribe and i rewarded ourselves by going to see...children of men...um...damn...allow me to be the billionth person to say...you gotta see this movie...

by the numbers...

i've got 23,000+ words...to edit and revise...and break into 30 chapters...maybe 32...whats that work out to...three chapters a week...plus layout and design...yeah...10 weeks should do it...

born again...hard...

here's the deal...i've got my own 100 hour program...10 weeks...march 31...the burnsizzlebleed book will be done...period...stay posted...

resolved...

i should be dancing with nouns and verbs...not wrestling with ones and zeroes...this is my lesson from the past three days...i like the whole video mash up thing...it's fun...and it challenges my creativity...but it's just a hobby, and i'm allowing that to get in the way of the real thing...the words...

so...the a/v portion of the site is gonna have to go dark...at least until i finish the bsb book...

onward...

worth the wait...?

i won't go into what a saga this was...it's still needs work...i owe ya...two...enjoy...

[updated for yo azz]...

two books i left off my reading list for the year...

one because i've already read it, but i want to reread it for the 50th anniversary...


the other is because i finished it the day i made the list...


it's shoun's new book...and it's a mindfuck supreme...i hear tell, he wrote the entire thing on nicotine, gin and speed...or was it smack...

i lied a little bit there...just a little...

i highly recommend this one...it's for the kids...you know...

anyway...

i'll be reading parts of shoun's book in two weeks...along with a fine cast of others...here's a flyer

see ya there...

some politics...and a joke...

please allow me to step up on my little soap box and announce the obvious...once again...mr bush blew it...what really was the point of his speech last light...the decision has already been made...action already taken...congress can only make symbolic efforts against it...so the whole point of making a speech...was to build popular and political support for his actions...and he blew it...

mr bush...i never believed in your war...and now that we're in it...the so called new tactics you propose...to take neighborhoods and hold them...traditional combat tactics...is just too late...

it's too late for your legacy...it's too late for your credibility...it's too late...

and now...levity...

rabbi samuelson...young and charismatic...is entertaining a job offer from a synagogue across town...out of respect to his current congregation he calls a meeting at the temple...to discuss the matter...it quickly becomes obvious that they don't want him to leave...and during the meeting...a man stands up and says...i'll give you an extra $30,000 for every year you stay...

another man stands up...milo, the guy who owns a car dealership...and shouts...i'll give you any car on my lot...a murmur runs through the crowd...the rabbi is so overwhelmed by so much generosity...he's stunned silent...

then old mrs cohen stands up...and says...i'll have sex with you...everyone gasps and looks at her...old man cohen slinks down in his chair, embarrassed...he whispers...dolores, what are you doing...

what do you mean...you said fuck the rabbi...

yep, it's stock show time...

in nyc, they get the midnight circus parade...here we get this...














there were actual black folks in this stage coach...

Dear Steve Jobs...

thank you...

around the horn...

my cousin eddie is leaving for iraq...this is his second tour...he's been doing what he does for a long time...he's well trained...and battle tested...i'm not worried about him...yet...i wish him well...

he's part of a deployment that some are speculating is in preparation for an attack on iran...iraq, iran...this is an example of how mr bush...and his cohort...do business...weeks...even months...before making a case to the american people...the descision has already been made...and the order executed...they don't care about the will of the people...this is about bush's so called legacy...the whole crew of them are the picture perfect definition of the word...hubris...

i'll be keeping an eye on this...

in completely unrelated events...

most of you have already heard that this year marks the 50th anniversary of kerouac's on the road...there are events planned all year to commemorate it...last weekend ms scribe and i went to see the scroll and attend a tribute to hunter s. thompson at the library...who was influenced by kerouac...


as tributes go...i don't know how well this one went...i don't go to these kinds of things very often...and this event reminded me why...

in attendance...the usual gathering of hiperatti...coffeshop bohos...barstool philosphers...and slumming academe...including myself...surprisingly, not the only black face in the crowd....

there were readings by hunter's son juan, anita, his wife and his 8 year old grandson will...

with musical accompaniment by david amram...whhaaat...you wouldn't dress up a picasso with disco lighting...mr amram is accomplished in his own right...buti'm not confident this is something mr thompson would stand behind...

in case you couldn't make it to the cannon scatering of hunter's ashes...or can't get enough of that kind of memorilaizing...
there was plenty of it on display here...the whole thing was a morbid sort of wake...

things managed to liven up...or as anita thompson put it...upped the fun factor...whenever any of thompson's work was read....

which is why i tend not to go to things like this...you want to pay tribute to an author...buy and read her work...

when it comes to H.S.T. what a lot of people forget...it's not about the partying and drugs...it's not about the guns, or the violent speed of fast cars and motorcyles...it's certainly not about the celebrity...it's about the words...the words...the words...

tales from an unrepentant...inveterate...degenerate (pt 1)...

in which i tell the tale of some of the best poker i've ever played...so far...


i arrived at a home in the furthest reaches of southwest denver suburbs...not far from... this correctional facility...why the hell is it that i often find myself out in the hinterlands chasing down a card game...why is it that i know no one inside the boundaries of the city that takes poker seriously...ah well...you go where the game is...

i walked in prepared for a small stakes cash game...i found...a suburban home set up for a home style tournament...if you've played a home game in the last 5 years you've been to one of these...the living room and dining room are both taken over by large tables...somewhere in the house there is a table of candy, salty snacks, maybe pizza...and if it's a real class set up...sandwiches...

if you've done this before...and you know this next part by heart...just skip over the next paragraph...

there are a usually dozen or more men littering the house...waiting for the collection of buy-ins, the assignment of seats, and distribution of chips...these rituals are usually handled in the same manner...the same cards from two suits are pulled from a deck...one card from one suit is distributed at each chair...the corresponding cards from the other suit are mixed up in a face down pile in the middle of the table...after chips are counted...each man...and i do mean men, because every one of these kinds of gatherings I've been to have been exclusively male...picks a card from the face down pile and finds the seat with the matching card...we take our seats...while the house rules are covered...blinds...when they go up...chip denominations...what's the cut off for being in the money...minimum bets...minimum raises...cards are shuffled...and introductions are made...then the players draw cards to see who deals first...high card deals...when all that's done...then we actually get to play cards...

on this night that means i sat at a table with the host and five of his friends...decent enough guys...

did i need to mention that i was the only black man in the room...somehow i think you already knew that...and i don't know if it was that...or the fact that i was the new guy in the room...that led to the tension...but i soon found out...

anyway...our table was tight...a few heavy hands were played... but it was mostly small pots while we figured each other out...or maybe they were trying to figure me out...meanwhile at the other table...one guy was already out after 15 minutes...

i stayed loose...i played when i had good cards...and sometimes i pushed to find peoples tendencies...i was doing well...then i looked a guy up when i thought he was bluffing...i was semi bluffing...and drew two pair...chasing after a boat...and the other guy caught his flush...

when it came time to combine tables...the last 10 players...i was the short stack...a few hands later...the blinds went up...my back against the wall, i went all in...with marginal cards...and i was done...it was time to wait with three other guys so we could put together what some people call the losers table... i think of it as the money table...normally, it's winner take all...with more cash up for grabs than the third place player in the tournament gets ...

so i watched them play...and waited...

the guy who had been the gorilla at the table...the big stack...the one everyone was playing like they were afriad of him...the host just whittled him down...and busted him out...in less than an hour...now we had a fifth player for our table...

(don't miss part 2...it has...anger...confusion...shattering loss...bone weary battle...and gunz yo!...the whole shebang...)

why doesn't anyone play cash games anymore...

that was the hardest fought $50 i've ever seen...i'm just glad that i'm the one who won it...

so you want a blog post...

really...well...this is where things get interesting...how do i slip one in...in the slim amount of time i have before the poker game tonight...i know...let's review my elementary poker principles...

1...attack, attack, attack....it's not mine, i know...but it makes good sense...

2...lie always...bluff rarely...no one needs to know what you have...but when you show cards...they better be good...

3...dare...this is really more of a reminder of the first principle...because there's no such thing as too aggressive...at the poker table...

4...pay attention...it's the only way to know who the fish is at the table...and when you don't know that...well you know what they say...

5...practice and prepare...you don't get good by just watching poker on tv...or reading about it...you have to play...and play...and play...

ante up...

5 for friday...

inspired by darby...via rake

1...book i've already started...and hope to finish...maybe...


2...books people have recommended/given to me that i (still) might not get to this year...



3...books i have no business reading...but i probably will...even though they'll feel like homework...




4...books i somehow stumbled on and would really like to read...someday...





5...books i snatched off my father's bookshelf...that i guarantee i will at least open this year...






and the only book i know i will finish...at least once...this year...

this is why being good is more important than being first...

i'm just happy that somone...with a voice louder than mine...is putting this out there...

"In fact, many young African-Americans don't need music or movies to teach them about violence. Many grew up around it in drug-infested urban neighborhoods.

And white people getting concerned only when the victim is a member of a team they follow is sadly typical.

The brutal truth is that if Darrent Williams weren't a Bronco but just another young black man, his shooting death early on New Year's morning would have been noted as the first homicide of 2007 and little more"

this week in history...

the emancipation proclamation...


birthdays...

j.d. salinger...jan 1...



paul revere...jan 1...



j.r.r. tolkien...jan 3...



syd barrett...jan 6...

the black man's burden...

on new years eve ms scribe and i hung out with brotha shoun...we discussed many things...we talked about this...we talked about that...we talked about...you know... black man stuff...another thing we talked about was a favorite subject of mine...being angry black men...

surprise, surprise...i've had issues with anger...i would dare say that at some point in the life of every black american man...there is anger...overwhelming, blood churning, death dealing anger...

i've been to that place...and i've done some dumb shit when i was there...beyond dumb...stupid dumb...

i call it...i hate myself and everyone like me...no, check that...i hate everything...including myself...

it's appropriate that on the same night shoun and i were were talking about...the black man's burden...black men were hatin' on each other...and one in particular got shot up...no matter who it was...it's sad...and now people are...shocked...appalled...

problem is...no one is lighting up talk radio about the kid who got stabbed at a party on christmas...hey, that's par for the course...when a sports celebrity becomes a victim of the same kind of violence that black folk fall prey to everyday...no one's calling it... incomprehensible...mr williams is not the first and only black man to die a random, senseless, violent death...let's try not to forget that...

please allow me to re-introduce myself...

so you know this is a blog...right...and yeah...the blurb over there...--->...yeah that one...it tells you that this is my fifth year of blogging...and the archives only go back to 2003...you're savvy...you might say that don't add up...yet...what you might not know is that there is a year of burnsizzlebleed,...those long deleted posts make up what is the as yet unfinished...hearts of others...

meanwhile...

look for a new chapter of...son...the serial novel...to appear soon...

sometimes i distract myself with taking photos...and making the odd mashup video...or mashup...

like this happy accident...that happened while i was putting together my favorite photos of 2006...



and there's always helpful friends and neighbors...like shoun...who convinced me to put book 1 of son back out...for anyone who might've missed it the first time...



so...that's a quick map of my little digital world...it's just one way to get to know me...