mine that is...i've mentioned this in passing...
a few months sago...a long time ago i decided there would be a clear boundary of public and private selves whwen it came to blogging...so much of what i write is already personally revealing...it's important to keep something of my life to myself...a portion that is mine and mine alone...and yet...i do not think i can describe...to thousands...okayhundreds...of complete strangers...what a radical shift marriage means for me...but if anyone is following this ragged narrative...i have to make an attempt...simply for the sake of continuity...
like most americans...i was raised to believe that being a grown up includes...marital bliss...also like many americans in the last thirty years....i've learned that marriage...for the most part...is a sham...as it exists in our culture...the marriage cult...perpetuates...a lot of the wrongheaded thinking...that leads this country...for instance...
beyond that...i've learned that...no believed...that i did not have the necessary skills and traits that it takes to make a successful relationship...i saw myself as broken...and i did not desire repair...
well the fact is...we are all broken...in each our own way...
the upshot...why drink the koolaid...why join the zombies...as they march to the suburbs...seeking...illusions...
first...i figured out that i am not broken...not broken...not broken...just me...merely imperfect...and that someone else not only understands the perversities of my soul...but together...we make our own... harmonic resonance...[i knew this would be difficult to do without resorting to poetic nonsense]...without making sense...it just makes sense...and more...
in the bigger picture...i somehow remain optimistic...somehow...that the past does not have to repeat...and that i do not have to follow the zombies...there are new ways of doing this...unfolding...everyday...maybe they're just...new illusions...i'm okay with that...i'd rather make my own mistakes...than repeat someone elses...
Johnny Cash Loves You!
