tales of shoveling woe...

i won't bore you...i will say this...i learned two things about myself the last two days...not so much learned...as remembered...

the physical vigor that i assumed started eroding away five years ago...is still in full effect...

and i am a stubborn...non team playing...son-of-a-bitch...gold plated...

in other news...

you know all about our snow here...thanks to WALL-TO-WALL TEAM COVERAGE...but you may be suprised to learn that we have a snow shovel shortage...yes you read that right...i have a theory...my wife likes to call these moments...james conspiracy theories...

this week...my theory is...the shovel shortage is a ploy to get us to buy snow blowers...

BTW, Today is Rudyard Kipling's birthday...

here's a sample from a master storyteller...

The beginning of everything was in a railway train upon the road to Mhow from Ajmir. There had been a Deficit in the Budget, which necessitated traveling, not Second-class, which is only half as dear as First-class, but by Intermediate, which is very awful indeed. There are no cushions in the Intermediate class, and the population are either Intermediate, which is Eurasian, or native, which for a long night journey is nasty, or Loafer, which is amusing though intoxicated."

it's been a good year...

remember when you were so excited about what you got for christmas that you couldn't wait to go back to school to show off that snazzy new sweater your grandma gave you...well...it was that kind of christmas for yours truly...

the best of this year's shwag...







and the the only thing better than this gift...



was the look on ms scribe's face when she saw her wedding ring...the one she's been asking for...for what...almost two years...

please...please...please...don't go...

damn brother man...

damn..

snowday '06...

yes it's snowing here...



this was yesterday...





and last night...after some shoveling...





and this is what we woke up to...



so we spent this morning digging out...







and then there was this in the backyard...



now, i find home and yard maintenance just slightly less tedious than shaving...but that was fun...

farewell '06...

it looks like i peaked early this year...

this was the most popular post of the year...hell...it's the most popular thing i've ever done on the internet...so far...



personally...i like this one a little better...



as far as words go...most of you seemed to like... my humble advice...

as for the rest of it...feh...i can do better...and i will...

onward...

the books, movies and music i enjoyed this year...and what they may...or may not...say about me...


how to be a better poker player...or just look like one...



lessons...lessons...lessons...


or...how to start a franchise...


grasping at mysteries...


and what a great franchise looks like...



under appreciated gordian knot of a movie...



spike gets no props...



how to make vengeance sweet...



tough talkin high school kids...



word...nerd...



if you get a chance to see it...don't miss it...



marty in top form...



a hero redefined...



i'm a walking cliche...


let the haters hate...this is hip hop...


the meaning of...a body of work...


subtle beauty...and deft poetry...


neoretro...rock and roll...


too bad for the 5...really...their loss...


for my money...the best turntablist...anywhere...anytime...

and finally...i wanna say it was not a great year for hip hop...nothing really knocked my socks off...

sure, there were important...with a big i...releases...like...




and




even straight ahead solid records like...




and...




hyped up albums like this one...




and critical darlings like these...







none of them could touch me...

theres only one hip hop album i've kept playing over and over all year...




it bounces...this is the disc...playlist...whatev...that you drop during a party...and you know people are gonna move sumptin...say what you want...this is my best hip hop album of '06...

and i'm out...

the man's got a point...

all i can say is i can't wait to have these kinds of problems...

"What really burns me, though, is hearing the constant plea to support independent bookstores, while those same independents don’t support writers from independent publishers, i.e., me. I’ve had two independents in town tell me point blank that they will not carry my books. Why? I don’t know. It can’t be because of the critical response, which was positive for both, especially The Contortionist’s Handbook. It can’t be due to sales. Though I’m light years from being a household name, the Handbook is the living definition of that business buzzword du jour, “long tail.” It continues to move in small but steady increments, slowly gathering a wider and wider audience."

5 pillars of citizenship...jury duty...

(forewarned is forearmed...these are my freeflowing...half-formed...and in no way instructive...thoughts about...what it means to be a citizen in america...at least 90% of what your read here has been...already said...more eloquently...by someone else...if anything i write...intrigues you...challenges you...provokes you...i encourage you to...do your homework and look it up...that's why al gore invented the internet...)

my buddy tommy and i got called for jury duty yesterday...i can't figure how that worked out...except that after tommy left hell.a., we were roommates for a year...that was 3 years ago...jesus...anyway...that's the only explanation i can come up with...lucky for me though...how often do i get to waste away the morning with my best friend...

he was hoping to get out of it...and he suggested that we stage a fight in the jury room...so we could get kicked out...I don't think he would have enjoyed getting arrested...so i didn't indulge him...tommy ducked out during the boring orientation video...

besides...i wanted to serve...every branch of government has a level that requires the participation of the people...the judiciary...as designed in america...needs jurors...it's funny to me that educated and fairminded folks...like my friend...do backflips to get out of jury duty...but piss and moan when the justice system produces a result they don't agree with...

now i'm well aware that courts in america are inordinately...dangerous...places for a black man...and i know...that has mostly to do with how the system serves to the advantage of...people with money...but i can't help believing that if more black faces were a part of the system...things would be more equitable...call me idealistic...of the 150 or so of us in the room, there were 4 people of color...

the video finished and tommy came back from the bathroom talking about how a guy got beatdown...excuse me while i repeat myself...beatdown...in the hall...in front of the sheriff's offices...all i could think was...how often does something like that happen and we never hear about it...

we spent the rest of the morning talking shit...and playing cards...noon thirty rolled around and it turned out that jury selection for 4 or 5 trials had been canceled...i wouldn't be surprised if it had something to do with the brawl in the hallway...they called one jury...and dismissed the rest of us for the day...oh well...it was enough just to show up...we all should do more of that...

this is a conservative...

ben stein has been preaching fiscal conservatism for a while now...republicans don't seem to be listening...the only place he seems to be getting any traction is in so-called liberal media outlets...this is my favorite part...

"The final argument is the one I really love. People ask how I can be a conservative and still want higher taxes. It makes my head spin, and I guess it shows how old I am. But I thought that conservatives were supposed to like balanced budgets. I thought it was the conservative position to not leave heavy indebtedness to our grandchildren. I thought it was the conservative view that there should be some balance between income and outflow. When did this change?

Oh, now, now, now I recall. It changed when we figured that we could cut taxes and generate so much revenue that we would balance the budget. But isn’t that what doctors call magical thinking? Haven’t the facts proved that this theory, though charming and beguiling, was wrong?"

this is the kind of realistic talk...and action...i could support in a politician...short money says...not gonna happen...long money says...well, the long money doesn't gamble...that's why it's the long money...

some say it's the best show on television this year...i say...so far...

last week heroes showed just how goot it could be...and also it's major weakness...so far, the show is mostly plot...a to b to c to d...supposedly leading us...and the characters...past the point of revelation...towards a new found actualization...of super-heroic...ness...the real weakness so far is that there has been very little room to develop character...moslty what we have are archetypes...and mostly just different versions of the the same quest hero...hiro is the central exception...but adorable only gets you so far...of course it's no coincidence that last week's episode's major plot point was also the beginning of a new emotional direction for his character...blah blah blah...but there was a small moment...a writers moment, sure...but it was the kind of writing that can turn good entertainment into great storytelling...it was the sheriff's will shortz reference...it was a moment of such...specificity...that it evoked a genuine sense of time and place...a very specific time and place...here and now...that's vital...otherwise...change the costumes...switch the heroin to marijuana...make the cam girl a call girl...and this story could just as well be happening in eisenhower america...or most any other post 1900 eurocentric capitalist civilization...heroes needs more of this kind of writing because a show this sprawling can't actually shoot in, what...six different locations...so we get back lot sets that look like las newinditexafornokyo...and some spiffy cg matte painting...neither of which can communicate a real sense of place...(in english class...and writing workshops...they call it...setting)...better...cheaper...than good dialog...

Black Yoda Says...

remember...
first, hot tub...
butt sex later...
this could be you...if backwards you do...

i shoot a lot of bullshit on this page...

but this is just the kind of wacked out shit that happens around me...

last weekend ms scribe & i were lucky enough to find ourselves at a swanky fundraiser dinner and auction for a very worthy charity...after checking out the auction items...enjoying a beer...or three...and a birthday cigar with one of our gracious hosts...we sat down for dinner...which was excellent...shrimp cocktail...baby spinach salad...filet mignon...and some kind of chocolate mousse thing...sometime between the main course and desert...which reminded me of all the ribbing my family recently gave me about the ten or so pounds i've gained since leaving my last job...prosperity pounds, they called it...anyway...a woman walked into the ballroom in a terry cloth robe...we were near the back, so when she walked in, i assumed it was to promote one of the live auction items...a spa stay...but she quickly looked around, confused, and hustled out of the room as if she was in the wrong room...minutes later, she was back standing at the door...her robe was open and one of her breasts was hanging out...what first looked like confusion was now clearly...drunkenness...we made eye contact...i attempted to subtly signal to her that she might want to cover up... it didn't work out so well...some of the other people at our table turned to look...and caught the full show...and it was a good looking tit...part of what looked to be the well maintained body of a nearing middle aged suburban housewife...just as the guy next to me was giving me the elbow...in case i was missing what was going on...hotel security swooped down on her and walked her off...after the standard introductory conversation, the table had grown quiet...now we all had something to talk about ...

ms scribe still thinks the woman was flirting with me...

exhibit# 375...evidence for the prosecution...

here the accused photographs himself with his wife in a photo booth...mugging it up for prosperity...clearly this is a man so in love...he is not concerned about making a fool of himself...

Dispatch: New York...

the year of weddings could only be topped off by a return to NYC for my brother's nuptials...how wonderful...now appropriate...

ms. scribe and i took my brother to dinner...and then went out for cigars and drinks...err, more drinks...


hey pal...watch your hands...


amy wanted to go here...but first i took her here...

here...

and here...


and i showed her my secret place...where we found these...


and i thought about the lives of these people...the changes they saw...the stories they could tell...

and how small and unremarkable my life feels like in comparison...

so far...

later, we went to katz's...amy thought she knew what corned beef was...now...she knows...
then i returned to the scene of the crime...


and of course, there was a wedding...


and it was almost better than chocolate...