July 31, 2004
remaindered...
i'm standing in a huge box of a retail store...it used to be a shoe outlet store...today it filled...with books...two thousand square feet...wall to wall...discounted...these are what they call remainders...this is what happens to books after consumers have gorged themselves on the bestseller list...christmast gifts...summer resding...i was so happy...i was paralyzed...something i read earlier flashed through my head...tens of thousands of books are published every year...most of them end up here...hardcover and aperback...after this place...what's next...a landfill...do i really want to add to this pile...and it's not all crap...there has got to be another way...
Johnny Cash Loves You!
July 30, 2004
"I'm so happy you're here..."
it is truely wonderful to wake up to the sound of a kind voice...expressing simply...without sentimentality...without being sappy...a sincere appriceiation for the simple facvt...that i am alive on planet earth today...on a day...my birthday...that i have allowed to become...just like any other day...
Johnny Cash Loves You!
July 28, 2004
Raging Asshole with a side order of Lunatic...
that's me...that thing i said...about buying me a drink...you might want to think twice about that...because...I HAVE ISSUES...
July 25, 2004
please allow me to rant...
you...yaeh you, hipster denverite...that bar that openened int hat obscure little neighboorhood three months agio..when you abondon it for the new hip thing in a month...yoou're fucking shot up...herte a suggestion...try loyalty...pick a couple of news palces you LOVE and stick with them until they get their feet under them...trty patronizing a place for more than six months...become a regular...
rappers...what...the...fuck..."i like the way them victorias sittin' over thur"?...is this whaere we've come to fromm...do you remember..."Base! how low can you go...death row..what a brother know"...or..."people think they diss my person by stating I'm darkly packed"..how about something like..."I got more mack than Craig"...shit even something as simple as..."I came here with my dick in my hand, don't make me leave with my foot in your ass"...MOTHERFUCKER...i'm thirstty for tha real..come wit it...
that's enough...time to knock that shit out...
Johnny Cash Loves You!
rappers...what...the...fuck..."i like the way them victorias sittin' over thur"?...is this whaere we've come to fromm...do you remember..."Base! how low can you go...death row..what a brother know"...or..."people think they diss my person by stating I'm darkly packed"..how about something like..."I got more mack than Craig"...shit even something as simple as..."I came here with my dick in my hand, don't make me leave with my foot in your ass"...MOTHERFUCKER...i'm thirstty for tha real..come wit it...
that's enough...time to knock that shit out...
July 23, 2004
dearest reader...
thank you...i love you...if you see me out and about...on the town...come on over...say hello...i don't know...buy me a drink...well, maybe not in the grocery store...but please...please...don't...stare...and point...and smile...that's just creepy.
Johnny Cash Loves You!
July 22, 2004
boingy, boingy, boingy...
i've spent a lot of my life being alone...it's one of the things that helped make me a writer....it allowed me to cultivate...imagination...but...living with lady love...has cut my alone time...significantly...there are treade offs...interesting things happen when two nuts like us start bouncing of each other...and off the walls...
i can't write at home anyway...i need to work in a public space...something about...performance
Johnny Cash Loves You!
i can't write at home anyway...i need to work in a public space...something about...performance
July 17, 2004
my history in blogging...
as i previously reported eleswhere...i've been writing since i was 18...i didn't really take it seriously until i was about 25...and i'd been bullshiting around with it until...i started bsb...so, what made that happen...welll, lets go back to 2000...
the first year of the new millenium turned my life upside down...i decided that the only cure was to lay myself open...disect my life...and put it infront of everyone who's opinion mattered to me...once a week i put together an email that described what, who, where when and especially why i was doing...whatever i happend to be doing...to keep it interesting i included relavent weblinks to whatevr i wrote about...
the entire email string described...a breakup...a cross country move...family drama...my love affair with the greatest city on earth...and came to a crashing halt in september of 2001...
i no longer believed my personal adventure had any relavance to this new world we found ourselves in...
then a couple of things happened...
iread this story...(please don't sue me denver post, it's just an excerpt)
i started drinking...heavily...
i wrote this story...
i looked around...and saw a lot of people...living in a very particular moment...like we had all realized...shit, life is short...this moment...lasted from about february 2002...to about last fall...during that time...
denver was the alcohol consumption capital of the united states...
a lot of people here were unemplyed...and walking around with money in their pockets...and too much time on their hands...and having a lot of fucking fun...
time will tel...but i don't believe this was an isolated moment...this felt like a natioal mood...encapsulated...another of summer of 68...or is it 69...but better...because...it was ours...because the horror of watching ppeople choose between flames...or flight...reminded us that life is for living...that we only get so much time to really do something with our lives...
so i started paying attention...and writing down what i saw...heard...felt...did...again...
for the first time since disco was big (pre-'77)...i felt like i was a part of something that wasn't a fad (swing dancing anyone?)...that wasn't the product of clever marketing (decade noostalgia)...or a regurgited form of the same old bulshiott (how else do you explain...electroclash?)...
and for the first time...i felt like my writing was an honest reflection of who i am...i felt like i was ready to put my stuff in front of an audience...
and then there was another newspaper story...about a local kid...god i wish i could find it (kudos to whoever can dig this one up)...who killed himself...and blogger was going to take down his widely read blog out of respect...
and that all led up to you reading thisentry today...
Johnny Cash Loves You!
the first year of the new millenium turned my life upside down...i decided that the only cure was to lay myself open...disect my life...and put it infront of everyone who's opinion mattered to me...once a week i put together an email that described what, who, where when and especially why i was doing...whatever i happend to be doing...to keep it interesting i included relavent weblinks to whatevr i wrote about...
the entire email string described...a breakup...a cross country move...family drama...my love affair with the greatest city on earth...and came to a crashing halt in september of 2001...
i no longer believed my personal adventure had any relavance to this new world we found ourselves in...
then a couple of things happened...
iread this story...(please don't sue me denver post, it's just an excerpt)
i started drinking...heavily...
i wrote this story...
i looked around...and saw a lot of people...living in a very particular moment...like we had all realized...shit, life is short...this moment...lasted from about february 2002...to about last fall...during that time...
denver was the alcohol consumption capital of the united states...
a lot of people here were unemplyed...and walking around with money in their pockets...and too much time on their hands...and having a lot of fucking fun...
time will tel...but i don't believe this was an isolated moment...this felt like a natioal mood...encapsulated...another of summer of 68...or is it 69...but better...because...it was ours...because the horror of watching ppeople choose between flames...or flight...reminded us that life is for living...that we only get so much time to really do something with our lives...
so i started paying attention...and writing down what i saw...heard...felt...did...again...
for the first time since disco was big (pre-'77)...i felt like i was a part of something that wasn't a fad (swing dancing anyone?)...that wasn't the product of clever marketing (decade noostalgia)...or a regurgited form of the same old bulshiott (how else do you explain...electroclash?)...
and for the first time...i felt like my writing was an honest reflection of who i am...i felt like i was ready to put my stuff in front of an audience...
and then there was another newspaper story...about a local kid...god i wish i could find it (kudos to whoever can dig this one up)...who killed himself...and blogger was going to take down his widely read blog out of respect...
and that all led up to you reading thisentry today...
July 13, 2004
hi mom and dad...
it's been a long time...too long...
you both lok prety damn hapy here...and i think it's because you're both in love...was i not far around the corner...
mom...you did your best...iwas...still am...a willful fuck...i don't know what i would do if i was handed the deal you got...but i got questions...shit that only you could answer...
dad...you lived long enough to see my first week of life...maybe...maybe you werr too busy fiighting to keep your own...they said you were a malingerer...good for nothing...fuck em pop...they...don't know shit anyway...
this is what i know...this picture...it is the only thuth there is...a man...a woman...happy...in love...
Johnny Cash Loves You!
you both lok prety damn hapy here...and i think it's because you're both in love...was i not far around the corner...
mom...you did your best...iwas...still am...a willful fuck...i don't know what i would do if i was handed the deal you got...but i got questions...shit that only you could answer...
dad...you lived long enough to see my first week of life...maybe...maybe you werr too busy fiighting to keep your own...they said you were a malingerer...good for nothing...fuck em pop...they...don't know shit anyway...
this is what i know...this picture...it is the only thuth there is...a man...a woman...happy...in love...
July 11, 2004
deep waters...
hhave you ever gone swiming in a deep mountain lake...especially at night...its dark...and cold...when there is no difference between the water and the sky above...that's exactly how i feel right now...
Johnny Cash Loves You!
July 9, 2004
rule 1. If you don't run your own life, someone else will.
as i was typing last night's sertmon on integrity...life was preparing to say...PROVE IT...
i was filling out this application
this morning and one of my best friends called and told me that a temp position was opening up in corporate hell...the same temp position that i left three months ago...because the 18 hour days were sucking the life out of me...because i want to finish bsb before the end of the year...because in those three months, i have written more...and better...thhan i did during the year i worked there...because my lady love was tired of only fucking on the weekends...priorities...right...
i told her about the job...complained, actually...and of course, she brought the real...shhe remided me that i'm lucky to have choices...she told me that bsb is getting better and better...and she assured me that she would stand by whatever i chose...that's why she's my lady love...
the plan was...is...to pick up some part time work...write everyday...and help the lady love with her business...the problem is...the part time job hasn't happened yet...and going back to my cubicle would be lucrative...certain promises were implied...less work...more pay...blahbiity, blahbity, blahbity...
it's tepmting to turn this into an either/or siituation...writing vs money...but i know that's a false dichotomy...bukowski worked like a dog for the post office...and wrote...like a champ...this is the kind of thinking i used to seduce myself into wage slavery the first time around...
committment requires sacrifice...loving my lady love means not dropping my cock into whatever pretty thing who swings her ass in my face...loving my writing means not wasting my time and energy doing something just because it makes my pockets fat...
Johnny Cash Loves You!
i was filling out this application
this morning and one of my best friends called and told me that a temp position was opening up in corporate hell...the same temp position that i left three months ago...because the 18 hour days were sucking the life out of me...because i want to finish bsb before the end of the year...because in those three months, i have written more...and better...thhan i did during the year i worked there...because my lady love was tired of only fucking on the weekends...priorities...right...
i told her about the job...complained, actually...and of course, she brought the real...shhe remided me that i'm lucky to have choices...she told me that bsb is getting better and better...and she assured me that she would stand by whatever i chose...that's why she's my lady love...
the plan was...is...to pick up some part time work...write everyday...and help the lady love with her business...the problem is...the part time job hasn't happened yet...and going back to my cubicle would be lucrative...certain promises were implied...less work...more pay...blahbiity, blahbity, blahbity...
it's tepmting to turn this into an either/or siituation...writing vs money...but i know that's a false dichotomy...bukowski worked like a dog for the post office...and wrote...like a champ...this is the kind of thinking i used to seduce myself into wage slavery the first time around...
committment requires sacrifice...loving my lady love means not dropping my cock into whatever pretty thing who swings her ass in my face...loving my writing means not wasting my time and energy doing something just because it makes my pockets fat...
how it all started...
this is a picture of my grandfather:
when you Google my name you get a lot of information about him...he was a jazz composer and pianist, and remains a major influence his craft...
what does any of this have to do with my writing...perhaps you can imagine...growing up with this knowledge...i never had the pleasure and priviledge of knowing the man...just the legend...
i'm proud to be his grandson...and i'm grateful for what that has brought to me...particularly his example of how a man can move through life...build a body of work...and keep his integrity intact...he is reason Number One for why i write...
Johnny Cash Loves You!
when you Google my name you get a lot of information about him...he was a jazz composer and pianist, and remains a major influence his craft...
what does any of this have to do with my writing...perhaps you can imagine...growing up with this knowledge...i never had the pleasure and priviledge of knowing the man...just the legend...
i'm proud to be his grandson...and i'm grateful for what that has brought to me...particularly his example of how a man can move through life...build a body of work...and keep his integrity intact...he is reason Number One for why i write...
July 6, 2004
What up!!!
yes i finally figured out the whole picture thing...this is my happy mugshot...i'm amazed...this pic was taken almost exactly three yearts ago...during one of the most miserable periosd of my life...and it is the best picture of of me as an adult...i think the guiness helped...
oh yeah...thank you ImageShack for helping a web twit like me get viisual on it...
July 4, 2004
KNOWtheLEDGE
writing in the first person...to some, it's stunt writing...the further you get from your own perspective...gender, race, class, education...the more of a stunt it becomes...for the reaqder, it's like grading a test...theyre looking for the wrong asnsweres...i find the most chalenge in writing a character who's close to my perspective, and then going places i might not necessarily go on my own...dark waters...to do so, you realkly have to know yourself...waht youre capable of...know the lines that have to be crossed...and tread them without fear of whats on the other side...
Johnny Cash Loves You!
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