another crisp beautiful colorado day...

whats on my mind...pitchers and catchers report in 16 days...mets...red sox...rockies...well, the rox...not so much...one more day of retail hell...this weekends reading at tattered cover for someone who self published confirmed a few things...i wont be writing childrens books anythime soon...and...self publishing is a very viable path...if you're smart about it...so much more to learn...speaking of...gre test prep...is like a flashback...i never sweated the sats or any other tests...it was always the stuff that came afterwards...applications...recomendations...tuition...the consequences...that kind of shit...i'm never fully prepared for it...how could you be...the real question is...sure i can get into grad school...the real question is do i belong there...i don't care about obscure 16th century poets...i'm not interested in learning literary criticism...i simply want to write...well...and be able to make a living from it...a graduate degree...would obviously represent some form of growth and learning...always welcome...but really it's just another rubber stamp to show that i can fufill deadlines, do research, show up on time...do the work...will it really make me a better writer...is it necessary...this is what blows arounds in my head as the storm moves in...

Johnny Cash Loves You!

race...just another daily annoyance...

my mother was cherokee...my father was alllll black man...

growing up in new york, it was common for me to be mistaken for puerto rican...

(1985)
when i moved to colorado, suddenly I became mexican...mexicans walk up to me speaking spanish like i'm supposed to understand...since 2001 i've noticed a new trend...it has now grown into a life of it's own...

(2001)
people are starting to assume that i'm of arabic/middle eastern descent...just this week i've been asked if i'm:

a moroccan

(1990)

a saudi

(2003)

a turk

(3 days ago)

and they don't even attempt to be polite about it...no introduction, nothing...okay, the beard isn't helpful...but i want to slap these people upside the head with a big can of nonyodamnbusiness...instead i like to pretend that i'm civilized...

i tell them my father was black and my mother was indian...if i'm feeling good that day, i'll say...

my father was a descendant of west african slaves...my mother came from southern indians...i am 4th or 5th generation american and my people were here before it was called the new world...

what's wrong with you people?...where is your common decency?

it doesn't bother me that i get labeled these other races...what offends me is that these people feel they have the right to ask me...that i have to defend my racial heritage...and reduce my family to such simplistic terms...

the only thing these folks have earned is the right to go fuck themselves...

this is the kind of shit that makes a brotha walk around angry...


why do i suddenly feel self obsessed...

(2002)

Johnny Cash Loves You!

every city has days when tourists run rampant and take over...for denver, that time is now...january is the month that brings the the stock show to town...two things always seem to happen when the stock show comes...it gets bitter cold...check...and the wind shifts so that it seems to head in direct from Greeley...not yet...anyway...if you've been here long enough, you know the stockk show could come to town and you would almost never know it...except for the smell...there are places stock show folks just won't go...

Johnny Cash Loves You!

notes...m.i.a....again...

randomness...book coming...lif taking precedence...for now...conducting month long experiment...i have cable...(surprised book delayed???)...soul sucking time waster...when this is all over...the only thing i'll miss is poker on television...working 12 hour shifts in retail hell...at least the scenery is watchable...and...HOLY SHIT!!!...i'm engaged...i am too in love...and she was crazy enough to say yes...don't worry...i'm taking notes...

Johnny Cash Loves You!

stiffness...rigidity...in mind, body, spirit...makes it difficult for a person to react quickly in emergency situations...lesson #105.05 from GW...i bet GW has never improvised anything in his life...that's his new nickname...the stiff...

Johnny Cash Loves You!