June 30, 2005

it's been years...


since i paid attention to...or cared about...tennis...especially wimbledon...the last time i bothered, bjorn borg was lacing em up...but when i read what this guy at the daily news had to say about it...I figured i tune in and see for myself...I watched williams beat an overmatched sharapova...and when venus won...her joy...was nearly overwhelming...and so when she battled lindsey davenport in the finals today...i didn't see...or witness...black vs white...i saw two strong and powerful women...gutting it out...despite pain...despite being told their best games were behind them...i got to witness one of the best tennis games...ever...

Johnny Cash Loves You!

June 22, 2005

good advice from an old hand...

"If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master;
If you can think -- and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings -- nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run --
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And -- which is more -- you'll be a Man, my son!"

Rudyard Kipling

Johnny Cash Loves You!

hungry...

i know something about...being hungry like this...for a short time during my childhood...i was homeless...with no parents...no adults...on my own...just me...and whatever wits and resources i could conjure...when your grumbling stomache is the only thing that lets you know youre alive...that's hunger...

you would think that would have made me a glutton when i finally got the chance..i went through some of that...i would open and close the cabinets...the refrigerator...and stand...and stare...making sure there was something there...

but then...i wrestled for six years...and from 12 to 18 i would lose...cut...in wrestling terms...a minimum of...twenty pounds...sometimes thirty...for 5 months every year...it was bad...i would walk the halls barely knowing my own name...

when it comes to methods of losing weight...ive seen..and done it all...starvation...caffeine...diuretics...vomiting before weigh in...then bingeing afterwards...water diets...fruit diets...dehydration...burying myself in layers...sweating myself dry...not once...did anyone question my health...i would tell people i was cutting weight for wrestling...and that would be that...

my senior year...i had enough...i felt like it was fucking with my sanity...something had to change...especially after i snapped...and pulled a knife on one of my foster brothers...

so...that's why now...im baffled by the pro ana thing...so i asked the only anorexic im halfway aquainted with...what's the deal... [edit- out of consideration and respect]...(understandably...the reponse was muted anger...and silence...)

well...i didn't really expect much of a reply...why should she have to explain herself to anyone...

in the end...i'm still just confused...

i understand thhe occasional fast...i understand watching what you eat...but...knowing what it means to...do without...this pursuit of a concept of beauty...that has nothing to do with...human reality...just makes me feel like a clueless boob...

i guess this is my plea to understand...my general philosophy is...whatever gets you through the day...as long as you're not harming anyone else in the process...so hey...i don't judge...but if you can shed some light my way...i'll listen...

Johnny Cash Loves You!

June 15, 2005

i'm not gonna bitch and moan...

about how i have an unusual knack for getting shit done in nthe last minute...about this cold...that is taking it's time going away...about my back...about how little writing ive done in the last week...

because i am sitting in the heart of my new casa...casa clarmount...and i am one fortunate man...

instead...

i'll steal a page from tony's playbook...except i'll put my own spin on it...let's pull out the ol'...Observation Deck...and freewrite for 20 min...

Today's card says...

explore the underside

great, now i have to lay down and look at the bottom of my desk...or something...if i get down on this floor...i might just fall asleep right here...in my new office...any way...underside...bottom...speaking of bottoms...construction workers...and firemen...both tried picking up my wife this week...i say...well damn...that's a complement where i come from...

so far this is boring...thios is why i don't do this...how about this...a big shout out to Jessyel Ty Gonzalez...a talented photographer up in boulder...and a big up to Dan over @ East Colfax...who comands a significant talent of his own...for pointing me towards DailySnap...i expect it will find its way into my daily clicks...

im worn out...near the depths of my reserves...on the other side of this night...another long day...another string of meaningless words...strung together simply to fill time and space...i guess that's the undersiide of blogging...done...

Johnny Cash Loves You!

June 13, 2005

outside of death and/or dismemberment...

i can't think of a more miserable week than this last one...summer cold...check...shitty weather...you got it...move to a new home...what else ya got...how about an interview for a new job...right away...

meanwhile...

if you havent checked it out yet...there something new up on burnsizzlebleed...

Johnny Cash Loves You!

June 9, 2005

dearest reader...

you know how much i love you...right...of course there are...provisos...I should also tell you that if you hapen to see me and mrs scribe out and about in the world...try not to stare too hard...especially if you are...young...soft...and female...mrs scribe will bitchslap you real quick...trust me...it aint pretty...don't be fooled...she's pretty...but she's old school punk rock tough...


Johnny Cash Loves You!

June 1, 2005

dear mrs. scribe...

i know you want to do something special for me...like buy me one of these...bad ass, stretched out bicycles...really...i'm not ungrateful for the thought...but how about we replace that old matrress...we've worn it out...if you really want to spend some extravagant money on me...you could splurge and get me...one of these...because...I've learned that...sometimes...if you want something...the best thing to do is...ask for it...

Johnny Cash Loves You!